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Well, I'm on empty

Everything has been done to a far extent at this point. I'm a bit tired, I'm about to do one more job run, and then I'm going to wait for a week. Probably 5 days. Maybe 10 days. I have to give the jobs some time to go through.


My Dad is taken care of largely. We got him in an apartment, more or less, where people take care of him. He's very happy. My work is almost done. I've fought for 4 years to keep my Dad well. This will be the end of it. My family will take care of it from here. I did a good job. I covered long enough for my Dad to get him what he needed. It was a family emergency, my Dad didn't have healthcare for himself, and my Dad didn't have the opportunity to cope with his illness. It was an emergency, he was about to get locked up. I spared him from all that.


But yeah, a break. I'm spent. I need to get a bag of marijuana and smoke it. I don't know what I'll do. Find some way to treat myself, basically. I think the only thing I want is some marijuana. I'm not getting any, I've been clean for 2 or 3 weeks or something. Today either marks the 2nd week or the 3rd week. I've been making it without marijuana. Which is good. I have a mental illness. I need to give the marijuana a rest. Addiction is bad for everyone. Right now, the marijuana is still making me feel good. I haven't smoked it much in over 10 years because it made me feel depressed after 3 years of smoking it. That's when I learned high schoolers were stupid. You cannot be hip and be happy. Some people can, but most can't. For most people, life is going to be about achieving things and valuing life. Nerdy adults are smart adults. But we already knew that, we just didn't want to be nerdy. Food is a drug that gets you high off life. That's nerdy, though, high schoolers want drugs and alcohol. All of those people are going to be miserable if they don't nerd up. I mean, I had all the marijuana I wanted, food, pop, cigarettes, pain pills, money, etc. It didn't make me happy. What made me happy is writing the rough draft of my book. That's when I started feeling okay. For the first time in my life, I wasn't miserable. I wrote an outline for a book...or I achieved something. All of that retardation in writing I did for ten years turned out to be more valuable than anything you could buy. I bought love.

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