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Really bipolar right now, my adult mind must be fighting the battle of dealing with things. My Dad is in the hospital. He's in a nursing home, a form of hospitalization. That isn't good. It hasn't been bothering me, but not only did I start feeling poorly a few days, but I also started feeling lonely. I'm used to being alone. It isn't easy, though. There's only one downside to being a father, and that's that you don't get much free time. Seeming on how I'll be working so much, firstly I work all the time, secondly, my family doesn't see me much, and lastly, I get no free time. Life is difficult. Money wouldn't fix it. Money is a bit of a curse. I'm done dealing with pain. I used my Medicaid, and I got cured. Medicaid is kind of being rich, though. It's hard to explain. I don't even know if I understand it myself. Money creates the illusion of control. God talks about it a lot. Your money and spears won't save you. I mean, some people live their entire lives in excruciating pain. I'd tell that person suffering from pain or any other disease that God and Satan had nothing to do with it, technically. It was a draw of lots. It is inhumane, I know, but you got to fight for your life and for your soul. This shit happens. It happened to me for 25 years. I did go insane, but after I went insane, it got better. People who are in incurable and excruciating pain have the right to be upset. It's venial. The legalism of it is that you are unworthy, but Jesus would have healed you. Making you worthy of Heaven. It's complicated. I still have my schizophrenia to deal with. I could lose my home, my car, etc. That's worse than being in excruciating pain.

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